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60 minutes, Epilepsy, and Jaye Allen Folkins

0 comments By jared.folkins Filed in Epilepsy, jaye, Life Tagged with , , , , , , , , December 13th, 2009 @

Recently, my wife and I caught a 60 Minutes Program on the Axelrod family. Katie Couric interviewed David and his family about their daughter Lauren, who struggles with epilepsy. Her struggle is so severe, that is has caused her permanent brain damage.

There are a lot of things in the interview that brought out an emotional response from me. But one of the main quotes is the following.

“It’s been hard to explain to her,” David Axelrod replied. “She doesn’t understand why. She asks all the time, ‘Why does Barak Obama need so much help.’”

He recently surprised her with an unplanned visit. While the Axelrods are grateful for how far their daughter has come, they are committed to helping other families intervene sooner than they could for Lauren.

“Do you ever look at her and kind of think, ‘Gee, what if? What would she be doing now?‘” Couric asked.

“Too often,” Susan Axelrod said. “And this is what happens. It’s painful.”

“God knows what she could’ve been. But that’s a treacherous place to go. You know, there was a time when we have given our right arm for just a week of good days. And now, she has them consistently. So, you know, that’s a big victory,” David Axelrod added

This made me think of a thought I have had almost every day of my life since my brother died because of his epilepsy.

What could have been?
What would Jaye look like now?
What songs would he have written or what Girl would he love?

And David Axelrod is right, that is a dangerous place to dwell.

Then the other night, my seven week old daughter was quite fussy. So I started singing to her. I then ran out of songs, and for some reason I began telling her stories about her uncle Jaye. Who is her name sake (Gracie Jaye Folkins). Now I know she won’t remember the stories right now, but just talking to her about her uncle was nice.

That conversation (though one sided unless you count coo-ing) along with the 60 minutes segment, inspired me to put up my brother’s memorial video online. It is pretty long (1:15:00 minutes), and you will cry if you make it to the end, but it allows me a way to keep on remembering him. And hopefully it will remind others of how dear their loved ones are.

Don’t waste a moment.

UPDATE: I have moved Jaye’s video to his page. Here is the link.

From it’s vantage, Anxiety attacks!

1 comment By jared.folkins Filed in Life, writing Tagged with , , , , , , , August 26th, 2009 @

Lately I have been writing short stories and posting them online.

Why?

My family has always liked my stories. And I grew up in a no bull-shitin’ family. If it was good, it was good. And if it was bad, well it was bad. Plus, I have a hard time connecting with my Mom. I think we are just too alike. So because I enjoy writing and feel that I have a knack for it, I have taken to putting thoughts on digital paper again. To say “I love you” to those I have a hard time saying it to. And as a simple, yet effective therapy.

Really? Therapy?

Well, yeah. Writing is therapy for my mind as it is caught in Anxiety’s web. And the more thrashing my mind does, the more it becomes entangled.  Anxiety that is based on wanting to control and keep safe. An impossible goal. Which is something that I have always struggled with. The wanting to hold on, the desire to keep and protect. But after death entered my world, my mind was left split. It still wanted to love and shelter those around it, but it now knew that it never could. That life would do what life wills.

And here enters the anxiety attacks. And please understand something, I am an insanely logical person. I analyze data and build structures for a living. So if you were to ask my opinion on anxiety attacks pre cataclysm, I would have arrogantly said.

“People need to get their shit together” and would have believed it too.

Where I find myself now, is in a pretty humbled place. I understand with authority that the mind is insanely powerful. That it is beyond our comprehension and may always be. That grief and fear can turn physical, and some of us now must work hard to not allow it to do so.

Sounds insane? Yeah maybe, but it is real. No doubt it is as real as anything in this world.

To reference what I wrote above, writing takes my mind off the web of control. It stops the fear with the understanding of the following.

-No matter how much I want to keep my loved ones safe, I can only do so much
-The web can’t hold me if it is not recognized
-I have to do what everyone else does, and let it go

Writing helps me let go.

(Story) Once, you and I were them, but now they are us

0 comments By jared.folkins Filed in Life, Poetry, story, writing Tagged with , , , , , , , August 13th, 2009 @

They walk, like they always do. Enjoying the sun and the clouds. Hand holding. Laughing. And it appears to all that this is a new thing. That this love is a new love. But it is fairly old. Ten years by the by.

They talk of the baby to be, of the life that is living and will breathe. Of the girl growing in the woman this very moment. They dream of what she will look like. What she will smell like. What she will taste, touch, and feel like.

And the elderly man looks and listens of them. While gripping his splintering cane and sucking the cream from his dentures.  He comprehends what most don’t, the history and the making of it. And he is envious of the couple’s grand new stage. Of the cycle they now live. Politely jealous of the joy that is written so plainly.  He misses it, the love, the warmth. So apparent, so alive. The future still unset casting out rays of hope.

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The old, the young, and the dead

0 comments By jared.folkins Filed in Economy, Life, Poetry, Politics Tagged with , , , , , August 11th, 2009 @

pile the bodies over there
the stench is filling
you’re so young, but you’re all that’s left

just pretend they are
deep in slumber
stiff ol’ lumber
thus so easy to move

so grab their wrists
and i’ll grab their ankles

we’ll carry them
then bury them
not far from here, not far

* * *

LINK

 Alleged US massacre in Afghanistan ‘provoked by false information’

An alleged civilian massacre by United States forces was deliberately provoked by false information from villagers pursuing a feud an investigation claims.

As many as 91 civilians were killed when a neighbouring villager lied to US special forces about Taliban positions it was claimed.

The deaths in a night assault by US planes last summer provoked outrage among Afghans and severely strained relations with Hamid Karzai’s regime.

US commanders initially said no civilians had been killed in the village of Azizabad in Herat province despite United Nations and independent human rights group investigations putting the civilian toll at up to 91.

A later US military investigation admitted 30 had died in the assault, but maintained the forces had attacked and killed 22 Taliban fighters.

However a film for Channel 4′s Dispatches reports there is now doubt any Taliban were present and the strike was instead part of a feud based on competition for lucrative jobs at the nearby Shindand airbase.

Seven months after the attack, Mohammed Nader of neighbouring Kalask village was sentenced to death by a court for knowingly giving US special forces false information about Azizabad. Residents had testified to seeing Nader with the raiders that night.

US soldiers entered the village in the early hours of August 22 last year following reports of Taliban sheltering there. They said they called in a heavily armed AC130 gunship after coming under fire, however villager told the programme US troops opened fire without provocation.

Gul Ahmad, a villager, said: “The women and children tried to run away from it. They killed everything, everyone, the elderly, anything that moved.” The film also reports the feud has continued with provincial officials accusing US special forces of siding with the Kalask faction.

Afghan police officers told the programme that after a further clash between the villages in December, US special forces had demanded police hand over men from the Azizabad faction who had been arrested.

One Azizabad man was bundled away by Afghan guards and his badly beaten body returned hours later.

Afghan authorities allege the US has refused to co operate with demands they hand over the guards involved.

Maj John H Redfield, a US military spokesman, said it stood by the findings of its investigation into the Azizabad deaths. He did not comment on the wanted men.

* * *

 In Memory Of 

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