Lately I have been missing my brother. I can say that it hasn’t been this bad (the longing) for at least 2 years. It stems from feeling like nobody relates to me.
What I mean is, Jaye and I were with each other every waking moment for at least 15 years of our life. That is a long history to build trust and friendship. And this allows for someone to truly and deeply “see where you are coming from” even if they don’t agree. Right now though, I voice my opinion and get these strange looks from both family and friends. Or share my thoughts and get zero feedback.
I am told that I am not an optimist. I respond by saying that I am just a realistic optimist (again, I get a strange look). And this is where I am positive Jaye would understand me. He would know that I truly hope for the best in any situation and am optimistic in many things. Yet I also am realistic in my expectations. And people never like hearing the realistic part. They may say they do. They may say they want the truth. But they don’t. At least not in my experience. Not with my friends, or my family. And there is not the trust to reconcile this difference.
So what is a person to do? Say nothing? Not share? I don’t really have an answer.
What I am certain about, is that I miss him. I miss Jaye.