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Thoughts On Turning 30

Posted on June 8, 2011

Dear Gracie and Boy,

Today your Dad turned 30. In case I haven’t said it enough, you guys and your mom are the best things in my life. I am thankful for you on a daily basis.

I spent a lot of the day reflecting on how quickly time has passed and how much things have changed over the last decade. I wanted to take some time to point out some lessons I’ve learned in case you are curious about who your Dad is/was.

Be Ready To Work On Your Marriage

This decade I got married, and its been hard at times. Though it has gotten better and I love your mom more today than when we first met. Be ready to work hard and seek to find a partner who wants to work hard too.

Be Wary Of Debt

The USA is currently experiencing the worst recession/depression in history. In fact the world faces some serious challenges moving forward. From this vantage we the people are owned by Corporations.

We got to this point by taking on way too much debt, which blew up in our faces. Please be wary of taking it on yourself. Ask the people you respect for their opinions before jumping into anything that ends with you signing a promissory note.

Never trust a bank.

Be Strategic In Your Search

In your youth, responsibly try as many things as you can. Get a feel for what challenges, opportunities, and tasks await. Also, use that time to learn how to be your best advocate. But let this search be strategic to narrow the scope of what satisfies your heart. Sitting here at the big 3-0, I can tell you your youth goes by all too fast.

Be Cautious Of Anyone Or Thing Wanting You To “Act Now!!!”

The best things in life take hard work and the most satisfying things take a long time to come into fruition. I have found that the longer I wait for something, the better off I am. And in this consumerist society, I know my slow actions are not the norm, but I think thats a good thing.

Be Kind To Your Mother

I was not always kind to your Mom. My personality can just be too strong at times. But she has been patient with me. I actually don’t think I’ve ever met anyone nicer than your mom. She loves you all. Respect her, love her, emulate her where applicable.

Be Aware Of Death

Make sure to show the people that are in your life, that you love and appreciate them on a daily basis. Its easy to forget, but very important to do. Always be aware that the time you have with them is limited, so you need to try and make the most of it.

Be Forgiving

Things won’t always work out for you. The bad guy may even appear to win at times. But forgiveness is not about them, its about you. And a lot of peace can be found in forgiving others. The people who I look up to right now, are the best ones at forgiving.

Be Strong

Choose the right time and place to confront, speak to, or act out. I’ve learned the hard way, that there are times to keep my head down and look for a better opportunity for my energy to have maximum impact. This decade, I realized that if my emotion is HIGH, then more likely than not, it is the wrong time. But also know, there comes a day when you must act. Be strong.

Be Full Of Questions

You will never know it all. Don’t act like it. Don’t try to even freaking attempt it. Just ask questions and listen, listen all the time. You will be mocked for this. In school especially. But pay no attention to those doing the mocking. You will end up far wiser and smarter than everyone around.

Be Different

I have a general theory that the majority of people are just sad sheep. Indifferent and uncaring to most everything around them of any major value. Main stream media and religious organizations for the most part are just forms of propaganda and control. There is truth in each, but I’ve spent the later half of this decade trying to figure out how to disseminate the truth. To read between the lines.

So when you see the herd moving in one direction, you probably should be moving in the opposite one. But please don’t just move in reaction, in accordance with trying to be different. Use it as a starting point to question. Ask yourself “If everyone is going this way, dad warned me that I need to probably move the other, why?”.

You’ll figure it out.

Be Willing To Not Succeed

When you try, you’ll soon learn that you will not always succeed. But the people around you, for the most part, are one step behind, they have stopped trying. They are the definition of failure. So when you do get knocked down after trying something new, and the world laughs and tells you that you suck, just say;

“I’ve not failed, I’m just currently not succeeding”

And then get back up and try again.

* * *

I hope this helps you, and if you have any questions, let me know. I will only be a bedroom door or two away.





Murmurs Of The Heart

Posted on March 2, 2011

I laid there, on the floor. Snoring the deeply exaggerated Disney-esque snore of someone who was fake sleeping. With barely the flutter of motion, I peeked through almost closed eyes and watched as my daughter stood above me, chirping questions in that recently recovered yet long forgotten dialect of baby gibberish. Slowly she quieted, and then knelt next to me titling her head. The “Why isn’t my Daddy up chasing me anymore?” question was evident despite the language barrier.

“Baaaaaah!” I yelled, and found her stunned space-alien saucers for eyes looking back at me. Mouth agape.

I grabbed her arms and spun her high above in an elegant display of practiced father-daughter aerobatics. During this flight, I some how reached a loose index finger and wiggled it into an open armpit. Giggles and squeals erupted as if a sound effects board was queued somewhere in the house.

Still lying on my back, I brought her down on my chest, and nose to nose we laughed together. I snuck a quick kiss in before letting her go, watching as she army rolled off my body to quickly form a sprinters stance. Her eyes were beautiful as they held a “Ready, Set, Go” sparkle of anticipation.

Jumping up I then began to chase her, and she yelped again. And for the next 30 minutes we ran and we played until we both collapsed on the floor. She crawled up, rested her head on my shoulder and wrapped her arms around me. I could feel the beating of her heart as it tried to pound its way out of her body and into mine.

“The Doctor said she heard an irregularity” remembering the words that my wife had spoken earlier. “They need to do an endocardiogram to figure out what is going on.”

And so I clung to my daughter and realized that this could be the last moment we played innocently. That tomorrow morning, the Doctor could find something that would change the course of our family. I squeezed her a little tighter and inhaled her sweet baby soap aroma just a little deeper. Trying to freeze the exact moment, in my mind, forever.

That night, as I sang to her while getting ready to place her in her crib, I prayed.

God, if at all possible, let her heart be ok. Let it be the murmuring of a natural body and not the declaration of a failing one.

I laid her down, watching as her eyes fluttered in what would soon be true and deep sleep.

I then whispered. “Just so you know, I’d go broke for you. If there is an issue, we will get it fixed. Nothing else is more important to me than you. Not our cars, our house, or our Money. Just so you know.”

And with only uncertainty to cling to, I left so that she could claim her much needed rest. – FREE Mac App That Locks Your Keyboard And Mouse

Macifier - Pacifying Your Keyboard And Mouse

My daughter Gracie was routinely disabling our family laptop while she skyped with her Grandparents. So I wrote a small Macintosh application that locks the keyboard and mouse. After showing the initial app to my buddy Mike Brisk, he created an awesome logo.

Head over to and download it for free.

Where Faith And Hope Are Requirements

Ever felt like you were losing your faith and lacking in hope?

I have.

These types of thoughts usually lead right into a nice bout of depression which is always a bitter battle. A downward mathematical equation calculating the slope of a line built on despair.

But one thing that I notice is that the fight begins when I felt that I no longer have questions. When the fullness of having things proves me safe in my supposed tangible security. Which I so arrogantly praised myself for acquiring. And with everything defined, categorized, and shelved so nicely, it would leave me in a place that no longer allowed for me to ask who I am and why I am here. Already summarizing that life had little meaning and even less value.

When I used to get to this spot, I would always voice that I no longer felt I had a reason to hope and that I had lost my faith. And go about looking for faith and hope not as objective solutions, but almost deities, defining the value using my subjective context.

And what would happen is that despair would seep right on in, dragging me deeper into feelings of pointlessness.

Lately I’ve been solving these issues by challenging my perspective. Going out and finding families and people who are in great need and have great pain. People whose lives have been torn apart by affairs, theft, drugs, or death.

These are the people who prove that we are not anywhere close to as knowing and mighty as we think. They are the ones to whom faith and hope are requirements. Simple reminders that we will all be broken someday and will cling to our faith and shout our hopes aloud.

Because when you are small, what else is there?

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